Dear Rush Limbaugh: ‘Wake and Bake’ Is About Pot, Not Pills

Right-wing opioid aficionado Rush Limbaugh is dazed and confused about what it means to wake and bake, potheads’ favorite rise-and-shine routine.

“I don’t have any experience with this so I’m unable to render an opinion,” Limbaugh told his microphone this week in an apparent response to Carly Fiorina denouncing Colorado pot legalization. “Maybe I should go smoke some and find out what this is all about and be able to render an ….oh, yeah, eat a brownie. That’s what ‘wake and bake’ means, right? Yeah, there’s an NFL player who had a Snapchat or Instagram post. He woke up and he’s all happy, and said, ‘Time to wake and bake,’ and somebody said, ‘Wow, that guy does the weed.’ So that’s what wake and bake means. Bake some cookies or brownies, I guess. Have you had them? What do they taste like? I do I wonder what they taste like.”

Here’s a ditty to help Limbaugh understand starting one’s day with pot rather than pills:

Wake and bake, wake and bake
Get me high and start my day
Wake and bake, wake and bake
Pass the dutchie — life can wait
Wake and bake — ain’t it great?
Like getting kissed on your first date

I dreamed of you all night long
Fat joint, big dab, my good old bong
Sweet edibles, my new vape pen
Say good morning, my best friends

Sativa, indica, hash so strong
My breakfast bowl’s coming on

Wake and bake, wake and bake
Get me high and start my day
Wake and bake, wake and bake
Pass the dutchie — life can wait
Wake and bake — ain’t it great?
Like getting kissed on your first date

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